I know it’s been a time since you heard from me but there are sometimes like it. I was back to college after the Holi vacations. And just after the arrival, we were attacked by the Class Tests. I don’t think this is a good place to discuss the tests. 🙂 They got over yesterday and Today I am relaxing in the room. The temperature is about 40-degree celsius. And it’s really hot outside, one cannot go the classes in this kind of weather. What will happen in April and May? Frightnened. Let’s do something productive. 🙂
18th March 2017 3:17 P.M
I had booked a cab 4 minutes ago and I was waiting for it to arrive.
3:26 P.M: Riko and I were sitting in the cab and we were headed to the Railway station. We found the railway crossing closed in the very start of the trip.
“Like this, we will get late” I said to Riko from the front passenger seat.
“Here, the train comes” he said after hearing the train’s loud horn.
It opened at 3:31.
“It will take us 15 minutes to reach the station”The driver stated.
‘That is 46. We will reach at 3:46 and the train’s time is 3:50. Cool, that’s close.’ I thought in my mind.
I checked the train’s running status on my phone.
“Riko, when I checked the status at 2:40, the train was running 25 minutes late(it’s normal for it) and now it’s 1 minute early.” I lost my happiness after seeing the status.
We were in the way and the driver was driving pretty nicely. No, that’s not a sarcastic sentence, he was driving with care like a responsible man.
‘You can drive a little fast, Should I say? Let him be, he is not the ‘type’, he is from the very few left ones that drive according to the rules.’ So, I stopped myself from asking him to accelerate the car. At the under crossing of Peacock Garden Flyover, a train blew horn and came running on the tracks. It is visible from the Garden’s turn and I was little worried. It was 3:42 right then. ‘No, this can’t happen.‘I looked at the blue moving coaches. It was hard and I tried on every coming coach…’****J%^&, what’s that written?’ I tried harder. It was Allahabad-Jaipur. I was relieved.
We were standing on the platform at 3:50. And a female voice was announcing “May I have your attention Please? From Jodhpur to Varanasi via Agra and Lucknow, train no. 14854 Marudhar Express is arriving shortly on platform no.1”. An average height guy looking older than us with mustache and light beard came walking from a side. He is our college’s senior hailing from Jaipur. He was familiar to Riko.
We boarded the train and went to our seats. The train was crowded this time. Filled with passengers as it was the post-festival time. And let me tell you a thing. The ticket we had was partially confirmed, one passenger’s seat was confirmed, other was on the waiting list WL 1.
This was the third time I was traveling back to college after spending holidays at home, but I don’t know why it didn’t felt like it. It felt like the first time. I was not feeling excited or happy to come back. It was like the first time when I left home. Sad and lonely. I wanted to be at home.
In the next to next compartment, there were some guys from our college freshers. I knew them. Very well. We conversed for some time. Then, I ca- me back to my seat, plugged in my earphones and started reading the book ‘One Indian Girl’. An hour gone and it was time for the sun to set. And I like the time of sunset and sunrise in trains. So, I went to the gate. Stood there with music playing in my ears and the cool air hitting my face. That’s how I like it, my hairs being blown by the wind. Refreshing. And while I was standing and looking at the green-yellow fields running backwards, thoughts cluttered up in my vacant brain. Thoughts about different things, places and people. The people I love, the places I live in and the life I am living. It made me more sombre. But let me tell you that I like this kind of me- sedate and thoughtful. Even if I am, it is not needed everytime to reveal. Some time later, the senior which we met on the station came behind me. We talked, get to know each other. He is a simple good guy, this is what he seems to me at least.
We ate food. And when I went back to the compartment, I was startled at first, the trical guys were gone and there was a girl sitting with her mom. I checked the seat number, it was right. The auntie saw me and gave a smile, she saw my surprised expression. I smiled and sat. Later, I came to know it was their seats, the boys had exchanged just to sit.
“Take some” the auntie politely offered something. I shook my head. We were four people and everybody refused.
“Take beta, it’s just toffee” she said smilingly. She had some grey hairs and looked slightly old. Around than 50, one can say.
It was then I saw at her hand, there were more than a dozen candies. Earlier I thought she was offering food. Everybody took one.
“Do you always keep toffees with you for kids like us?” I started the conversation with a childish smile.
She laughed and said “Yes, I too eat toffees and give everyone. You don’t eat toffees?”
“No, I do, just because aunties usually don’t give so many candies”
It was a light conversation ahead. The tall, fair and with cheeks having a light pink tint was his daughter. She was reading a book, not a novel though.
With time, I came to know she was an engineering graduate and now going to Varanasi for an air force interview.
“How many levels are there in this exam?” Riko asked.
Then she told us about it in brief. About the exams one has to clear- FCAT, then interviews and separate exams for Pilots, Logistics and Administration.
The topic closed within a few minutes.
“You belong to Punjab?” I asked.Particularly the auntie.
“We are not sikh..My parents were from Pakistan, but you can say..But how do you know?”
“Just know, intuition.” I said grinning.
“Looking at you gives a Punjabi feel”
Then we talked about her(girl’s) college, her college is in Jaipur. They live in Jaipur. How’s life in hostel? and many things.
In trains, I try to wake up early. To stand at the gate, feel the morning breeze and the sunrise. I do this everytime, try and you will know. So, I woke up at 5:46 A.M and washed my face and brushed. The sun rose at 6:20 and I was there to relish the scene. I took some photos and stood there for more than 10 minutes.
Gradually, the train catches speed, the electric poles pass whizzing and whenever a bridge’s below, the sound turns loud and echoes. Thrill. I had been reading my ongoing novel for the rest of the time till we reached Varanasi. And still 40 pages are left unread.
I was sad when leaving home and in train but after coming to the hostel, it goes away. You accept. It’s all normal again. The room was as it was when I left- notebooks scattered on the table, towel on bed, blanket etc.
Same place, same people, and same things. And all these together give me different Tales of Life.
The eighteenth day of the month is here. Saturday. Holidays are over and I am heading back to college today.
The day before Yesterday.
I had to take care of a few things that day, like depositing money in my account, paying the electricity bill. I had to do many things like the last one as ‘I was already going out’. In the start of the month, when I came back home, I came with my medicines. Medicines that I bought in Varanasi after visiting a doctor in reference to my long-gone-but-came-back skin problem. The doctor said “Allergy from sunlight.Don’t go in the sun, wear full sleeves, a cap and apply this, this and take these tablets.” After 15 days, I had to buy some more. So, I left on my bike on 16th March.
“___ Cream” I said to the man in the chemist shop.
“What?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
I repeated the name. After a strange expression, he denied.
‘Let’s get to Model Town’ I thought. It’s just five minutes away. I will try at Apollo Pharmacy. Apollo Pharmacy is a countrywide franchise if you don’t know. I asked at the counter.
“What did you say?” The guy asked again.
“_ _ _ _ _ _”I told him the spelling.
“Umm. Wait, let me check” he said and took out his phone. Apparently, he had a mobile app which showed if the prescription is available in the store or not. He searched the name in that app.
“There’s nothing like what you said, it maybe _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _”
“No, not that one” I walked out. Came back home. ‘The cream is very common there and I can’t get it here anywhere.’
Yesterday, I visited the drugstores near a hospital. ‘They should have all kind of medicines’
“Never heard of this name” this was the reply I got from the keeper.
‘There’s just one more day, I will buy it when I reach Varanasi.’ I thought and started watching my Arrow episodes.
Train is scheduled in the afternoon. I will cancel the ticket if someone could extend my holidays. Do it if you can.
Yesterday was Holi. Holi, the festival of colors celebrated in the Indian subcontinent which marks the end of winter and symbolizes the victory of good over evil fell on 12th March this year. The next day, Dhulandi is celebrated, in which people play with colors.
Yesterday, after worshipping a bonfire, it was burned as the symbolic pyre of Holika. I took the wheat bundle which was supposed to ‘get cooked’ in the fire. Just held it for some seconds as it was really unbearable to stand next to the fire.
Woke up early at 8. So, today was the day for coloring each other’s face. I changed into some old clothes, you know why. Left the place at 9:30 to reach a relative’s house. Colored the Nick-B’s face with some green and pink color(dry). Wished everybody Happy Holi, took the offered sweets. My hands and face were covered with color, which was falling off whenever I moved hastily. I hope the Gulaal is not harmful as some entered my body with the sweets. 😛
After a while, my maternal cousins reach there. Ajanto was there too, he lives in Delhi.
“We went to your house, and found out you are here” Geno-B said.
We first colored each other. They were there with a plan. Four people caught Nick and one got a bottle from the car. A bottle full of red liquid. Color mixed with water. And Nick-B bathed with it. He was all pink, her hair, face, and the t-shirt. It didn’t stop there. Raul07 had a tube from which he took some paint in his hands and rubbed then on Nick-B’s face. Pink face with a metallic silver chin. It was the strongest color, which does not go off for days.
“You deceived me, you didn’t play Holi with such colors for last four years.”
“But, today we did. Maybe it’s something like leap year.” Geno-B said and laughed.
“See, Dylan is not that much colorful, he is still neat” Nick-B pointed towards me.
“There is something special for him.”Raul07 gritted.
“We have the most special thing for him, we are heading to his home together” Geno-B with a loud laugh. Everyone followed.
After some sweets and tea, we left the place.
I reached home and we were standing in the garden. Pondiu came with a bottle, again the same bottle. Filled. I was the prey this time. I just ran and tried to snatch it.
“Stop him, don’t let him get the bottle”Raul07 shouted out.
Half a second later, Six people were after the bottle, everybody trying to take it from her hands with all their force. I just didn’t let go. It was the bottle’s fate. It squeezed right there, bursting up with all the color on the floor.
“At least, I am safe.” I thought.
We smeared each other with the dry colors and ate some sweets.
Then it came, they all got hold of me.
“C’mon, bring the special washbowl” Geno-B shouted and laughed.
I was on the grass, my hands and feet held tightly. Kiboo-D came with a large washbowl (Paraat) poured it on me.Pink water with sand, grass and other things sticking to my T-shirt. I was all wet. I just took some on my hands and rubbed it on anyone who was standing near me. In the hubla-bubla, they tore my T-shirt and tied the two halves to cover the bare me. I tore Ajanto’s torso. Ajanto, Raul07 and I posed for some photos in our torn, ripped T-shirts. 😛
Music started. We danced. Everybody showed a few hilarious weird steps.
Now, it was over. I visited Jayzbra and Riko. They saw me, a pink colored human with a torn up t-shirt.
“Who did this to you?” Riko laughed.
Later, I came back home and went to bath. It was a 2-hour long struggle and still, there are traces on my face and shoulders. The familiar pinkness.
As I am already home, I am having fun. After the wedding, there was nothing particular to do. I just sat at home, watched anime, played games and slept.
Yesterday, 10 A.M
My uncle called and informed that we are going to visit paternal Aunt’s in-laws. Okay, I don’t have anything to do, it would be fun.
We left at around 12:15 in the noon. It was a long way. 35 KM. We reached the place in an hour. The in-laws(groom’s brothers and father etc greeted the elders) I just smiled and folded my hands. We sat in the drawing room. I was little out of place as there was nobody of my age, contrary to what I was hoping when we were on the way. I sat there looking at them sometimes, sometimes at my phone while they talked about things that were not much meaningful to a teenager. Then, they brought some sweets and namkeen. I found them good. 🙂 After a while, water. Yeah, it was needed. 10 Minutes later, Cold drinks were brought, green, perhaps it was mountain dew or sprite I don’t know. Cool. I drank it. Water is a necessity, Okay.Half an hour passed and plates of fruits were on the table. I wasn’t in any mood to have some apples or grapes. But had to. I thought they take care of the guests nicely. Good, I am pretty much full. Then, I saw a tray of glasses filled with orange color liquid (maybe Mirinda) coming towards me. No, I can’t take that much. I politely denied. “C’mon, take one’ the server said. My uncle looked at me and smiles. I got hold of the glass and looked at the drink for some seconds “I can’t”. But I had to.
It was evening by then. Then, I came to know that we are here for dinner. For the first time. “No, There’s nothing more that I can eat.” I worried.
We were taken on the roof, there was a charpai (bed made out of weaved ropes). We sat there.
The plates were big, really bigger than the normal. They are called Thalis. They reminded me of the lunch at a hotel ‘The Grand Thakar’ in Gujrat last year.
That was an awesome experience, a must thing to do if you are in Rajkot. They had such king-size plates. “Nice” I thought. The, after a moment, there were Gulab Jamuns, rice, Dal and paranthas in the plate. I ate a little and denied to anything more. “Please, no, I’m done” And the father-in-law laughed and “Take one, you are a man.” I laughed too but still denied. It was forced.
My newly-turned paternal Uncle said “You can leave it, there’s no problem”
And I had to do it. What else I could do?
After an hour, we came back home. “Oh, what a day” I thought.
It was midnight when I heard drops falling. It was raining. There were clouds since evening and at last, it poured. It’s morning now, 10:20, and still the weather is cold and no sun is there to see.
There was a time when I used to hear ‘be happy’ in every situation. I was too young to understand all these philosophical things.
My father wanted to make me a sportsman but yeah I am like everyone else, I want toys for playing. But he always took me to the outdoor area for practicing basketball. I don’t want to tire my body, all I wanted is fun, and I found that in toys. Later someday I was falling sick. I thought I am going to die, these are my last days. All I wanted is to play with toys which I used to see in a showcase in a shop. Before he was going to his job in the morning he came to me and said ‘get well soon champ’ and left for the office. At that time it was so hard to tell my feelings to my father, maybe that time I was too young. Then I said to my father ‘all I want is that toy, that’s my last wish’. He laughed. I mean seriously that was the question about my life and he laughed. But I could see tears in his eyes while he was laughing, but he managed somehow and the tears didn’t come out. Later that evening he came with that toy, now I can’t tell what I was going through that day I was a king and I had the throne too. He gave me that and said ‘be happy’. Maybe that’s all he wanted from me. But as I already told I was too young to appreciate all that. Now I am completely fine and happy.
As time went I became a teen, the most complicated phase of life. Yeah, if you were there once then you can understand this situation. That’s when I had my first heartbreak. It was like there is nothing left in this world for me, this world sucks, why people are mean. That was another time when I couldn’t bear this much pain alone. But my father senses my feelings and one more time all I wanted is that past where nothing is impossible. Suddenly he comes to my room opens the gate, and asks ‘what happened champ?’ This time I was blank there was nothing to say… But I wished once more he could bring me what I wanted.
Now here is the hard truth when I was demanding for something in my childhood he always rejected my demands, at that time couldn’t understand why this was happening to me, I was like- we have enough money to buy anything then why he acts like this. But now I can feel that he was preparing me for this, he could also tell me in my childhood but he also knew that I am not able to understand this stuff. One thing leads to another he was preparing me for this. Well, then I replied ‘Nothing, everything is fine’. Maybe he saw that cut on my wrist, part of me also wanted to show that cut. Maybe because I needed sympathy. Another time there were tears in my father eyes, but as always he managed somehow. Then he said to continue ‘We don’t choose whom we love, it is beyond our control, But we always want the wrong person’. That wisdom doesn’t affect that much at that time. Then he hugged me and I was crying like an infant.
After few days, he passed away due to illness, maybe he always knew about that but never told us, I was like why god? why me? why you hate me so much? why you took my life away from me? That incident made me spiritless. Now there is no one left in the world who can understand my feelings, what I want from life.
Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around.
As time passed… Now the memories are on the wall. There was a girl that used to play with me in childhood with that toy that my father brought. She was also our neighbor. I saw her after a long time, now she had become pretty. When my father died no one could enter in my heart, but she has the key. She is a girl of a different kind. We used to talk a lot about my relationship with my father, heart to heart conversation & when she do that I mean she was likewise my father, gradually……. Again I fell in love. She became that reason for which I wanted to forget about everything, even my father. She made me feel alive. She became everything for me.
Then I decided to propose her. And I was pretty sure she was not going to reject. I could feel positive vibes about our future. But sometimes we expect too much that makes us disappointed. So I told her about my deep feelings, truth. What I feel about her. She rejected. She said ‘you are more than the friend of me but I love someone else so we can’t be in a relationship’, ‘I hope you can understand because you are my true friend.’ I smiled and reply ‘yeah it’s perfectly okay’.
Then I went back to the home, everything went okay that night I could manage my feeling this time or maybe I became tougher after so much emotional pain. Next morning I saw myself in a mirror, I couldn’t make eye contact with myself & I start crying like an infant for the whole day.
All I wanted to talk with my father at any cost….. I mean literally at any cost.I decided to die, so I can meet with him at somewhere in heaven, so he once more hugs me and tell me all the answers that I want. I decided to suicide. And I know it will lead me nowhere but I wanted to take the risk. So, I gambled my life because I didn’t have anything to lose.
Trust me if you can die for nothing just for peace, you can do anything. Because it takes courage to commit suicide.
Finally, I made a choice out of a number of alternatives I went to do that on a railway track. So, I lied down on the track and waited for the trains, after a few minutes a train arrived. As the train came near I took a deep breath and smiled because I going to meet my father, I was excited. Then suddenly someone whispered in my ears ‘be happy’. As train blown the horn I quickly moved aside from the track and again started to cry because this time I knew I didn’t have the courage and I am a fainthearted person. At that night I decided to sleep on my father’s bed because that time I wanted to feel my father’s presence. Then I saw a box in the wardrobe that is in front of bed, I had never seen that before. I am definitely going search what’s in it.
There was that toy and some photographs of my childhood and underneath that there was a letter, I opened it, it was my father’s handwriting.
Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re going to love it. You have to live in the present because you have awesome future ahead. Don’t think about the past it’s already written, the ink is dry. Everybody dies sooner or later. And don’t worry about your death. Worry about your life. Take charge of your life for as long as it lasts. It’s okay, enjoy with your friends, and fall in love, little fights with your loved once. It’s always changing, who we’re supposed to love and who we’re not. The only thing that stays the same is that we want who we want. All we really need is to survive for the one person that truly loves us. We have to decide in life where we want to go, if we know that, life becomes so much easy.
P.S: – Be happy.
So, this short story is not written by me. This is a guest post by a friend. Thanks to Deepesh. 🙂
Give me more than 4 days off from college and I will be at my home. Our holidays will begin from 11th March. But I’m home already. I reached Jaipur on the second day of this month. Today’s the sixth. To attend a wedding I came home early and it is not wise to go back when you have just 7 more days until March 11. One can but the sum of the hours traveled in train in all the three trips will be comparable to the time lived in the college hostel. 😐 It takes almost a day. One roundabout and one single= 24 x 3=72 hours out of the 168 hours. This is 42% of the total time. So, I chose to be here. 😉
The wedding was over. Yesterday, I was in my village. Which is the place I enjoy having fun after a long time. I woke up there at 8 A.M. We have to walk a kilometer to the well to take bath. I reached there. But the wind has other plans. Out of nowhere, an idea surfaced that ‘Let’s go to the top of the hill and take bath’ (There’s a hill close to the well, which is more like a personal hill :P). I can’t deny to such things. Without a blink, I smiled. There were seven of us, My cousins (some of them only meet on family functions). We reached the top in an hour, the hour was just talking while climbing and trying to find a perfect stone for every next step. Some of the regions were dangerous with tiny debris and slippery grass.
This was my second time on the hill, the first time, I did it by crawling on my four limbs. So, I was less frightened this time. No wrong step on a wobbly pebble is accepted. I learned this.
We live in a country where temples are everywhere, especially in high places. There is a Hanuman Temple on the top and a large water reservoir on purpose. The water was filled last night and it was freezing cold. The moment I pour it down, it was like ice rubbing on my face. And the wind, a day for a lazy kite to fly without effort. It was a flat plateau on the top. If we had a bat and a ball, a match would not be that bad. There were also some goats grazing there, they must have practiced for years. The view was great, blue tint over the horizon and other hills merging into each other. On the other side, sheep, shepherds, and wheat fields stood. It is enough high to be called a mountain as the famous Amber Fort was visible to my eyes.
Descending was again worries, my imagination showed me clips of people rolling down on the rocks (like it happens in the movies). An hour or so, we were on the safe ground.
I came back home in the evening, tired, my legs cramped. Yesterday my elder sister (Maternal cousin) gave birth to a baby angel. Today morning, we went to see her. I had never seen a newborn, that too in my lap. Her face was lovely and soft. Tiny little fingers, nails of the size of a nail’s head. She looked at me for a while, then she felt asleep. Good thing is that she doesn’t cry much, I haven’t heard her crying in that one and half hour. I like kids. 🙂
Now, I’m chilling in my room planning what to do next. Maybe Dragon Ball Episodes are waiting for me. 😀